Thursday 11 March
Last night there was a prayer meeting on so we decided to go. Martin was hesitant as he was hooked up to his food drip, but he came! It was wonderful! We sang worship songs – ones that I knew which really helped! Then we read out scriptures on healing and then everyone got prayed for. I cried like a baby!! I have missed the fellowship of my church and the presence of God in the midst of his people!
I slept well last night – both of us drug free! I awoke this morning, after a sleep in, with a sense of purpose. I had missed breakfast – which really was no sore loss... there is only so much dry bread and rockmelon you can eat. Martin was going to be hooked up to treatments so I decided to be brave and go for a walk! I was not sure I would ever get to that point of independence here, but the day was so beautiful and I have been assured that I am safe. Dressed in my comfy trackie I head out!
I venture down the street and cross the road. I do not think I ventured out in the hope of finding anything in particular – but was hoping for a juice or something for breakfast. There before me was the most beautiful thing my eyes had beheld for many days – A SUPERMARKET!! I felt like a little girl in a candy store at Christmas time!!
Not wanting to look to obvious, I was telling myself inwardly, ‘try and look inconspicuous’... however, the more I ventured into the shop the more I began to feel like I was sticking out like a sore thumb. I am excited to see the rows of homely baked sweets, pastries and biscuits! Oh yes!!! There are no bags to place any of the items in so I find myself doing sign language to the baker who really is just looking at me like I am an alien. Ok – I am still trying to look inconspicuous and something is failing! Suddenly I realise... I am the ONLY one in all of Tijuana with blonde blonde hair!! I am momentarily regretting that I did not go brown before I left home!!
It is hard to buy anything because I only have American dollars, and everything has a Pesos. I have no idea what the currency conversion is! I find the toiletry isle and felt my heart surge with joy! All the things I was just yesterday wishing that I had were there right in front of me!! I stocked up on bobby-pins and brought Martin some eye drops all for a whopping $2 (US!) Ok – Mexico is cheap!!!
I make my way to the check-out to pay for my orange juice and decadent treat from the bakery feeling very uncomfortable with looking so different. The man behind me smiles, shows the few teeth that he has remaining, and asks me if I speak Spanish. I smile nervously and say no, trying to not give away my nervousness!! He asks where I am from. Once I say Australia, his whole face lights up and starts doing kangaroo actions! Yes folks, people still think Crocodile Dundee and kangaroo on the streets is modern day Australia!! After he asks my name he gets rather excited that it is Philippa. This is surprising because I am yet to meet an American who can say my name on their first attempt! It turns out that Mexicans find it a whole lot easier because Philip (Filipe) is a common Mexican name!!
I walk back to the hospital happy with my little purchase and proud of myself for being so brave. As I near the corner to the hospital I notice my toothless friend there. I am starting to feel a little bit too uncomfortable about not being able to blend and randoms wanting to be friendly so I pick up speed and walk very briskly back to the hospital.
When I arrive Martin is still hooked up. He doesn’t look too well, but has a little more colour on him as a result of the food. He is happy so I leave him to go to an information class on the therapy options that people are here for. I have to be honest – I found it all rather depressing!! As I sit there I begin to realise that yes their statistics are high, but no they are not 100% success! I am feeling frustrated and despondent! What if Martin can’t stop vomiting – it wont be cancer that is killing him it will malnutrition!! I try and glean what I can without wanting to jump up and scream! I speak briefly to the doctor at the end and ask him what can be done for the vomiting. I find myself disagreeing or not understanding some of what he is saying and once again feel hopeless and frustrated! Trying to hold in my tears I walk back to my room beginning to contemplate asking Martin’s brother, Stephen, to come and join me. I don’t think I can keep doing this alone!!
As I walk into the room Martin is sitting on the edge of the bed – still hooked up. I ask him if he was alright, and he just looks at me and says he feels sick. Trapped to the bed because of his IV I could see the look of panic flash across his face. ‘It’s alright babe’ I assure him as I run around looking for a towel. He has begun to make those horrible pre-vomit sounds. They seem to start from his toes and sound horrific! Just as I get the towel to him the vomit comes pouring out – all over the towel, him, the bed and the floor!! It is a tragic sight and he looks like a little boy who has just pee’d his pants! I run to get a nurse to help and as I come back Martin has start to shuffle towards our bathroom in case it happens again. Just before the toilet door the need arose and in his panic to make the toilet he has rushed too quickly and ripped the canula out of his veins! Now there is vomit from the bedroom floor and all over the toilet floor. He stands there with blood dripping from his arm onto the floor surrounded in vomit and for the first time since we arrived I begin to feel myself want to collapse!
I am rushing around for some assistance trying to stop myself from flying into hysterics. As I walk past our ‘care’ person she sees that I am upset. I fall into her arms and cry like a baby. It is not like me to cry in the arms of strangers but I cannot help myself!
The doctor is in our room to talk to us about the nausea. He is convinced that Martin needs a catscan done on his brain. He can only think that this amount of vomiting is being caused by pressure in the brain. It is going to cost us an extra $1000USD and we are not keen to part with that money – especially because a brain scan was only done 6 weeks ago. An hour after his visit he comes to get us. He is going to take us down to radiology and do a catscan for free! It shows how serious he is on the possibility of Martin having something in his head. He tells me to come and I think he must have thought I would find it interesting to be standing there watching him go through the machine and seeing images of his head come up. He obviously doesn’t know me!! I am trying really hard to stay collected and trying to think of a reason to excuse myself! Being in there is like being in a bad dream and not being able to wake up!! I finally excuse myself for water and stay seated out by the room praying. He comes out and tells me that he believes Martin has a small spot on the brain, but if it is not to worry it can be treated with radiation!
Strangely, I do not feel concerned. I text my mum and Stephen to let them know where things are at. Right now I am feeling like I do not want to keep being here alone! I am wondering if there are any cheap fares for Stephen to come over and join us. It is hard enough doing this at home with my family around – it is overwhelming doing it in a foreign, non-English speaking country!
The doctor comes back. He is a nice man. Very to the point with his conversation and confident with what he is saying. Something about his looks remind me of my dad. Come to think of it, something about a lot of them remind me of my dad! Anyway, he tells us that the brain seems fine. There was a small spot there, which he is going to get a second opinion about, but all in all he thinks there is no problem. So it is decided to treat Martin with antibiotics for gastritis. Finally! To me this makes sense!! I think he has had an inflamed tummy for some time.
It hasn’t been the best day – I am beginning to think that there is something jinx in me wearing a tracksuit!! For those of you who really know me, you would know that I am not a tracksuit wearing kind of gal! I am beginning to regret not bringing my normal clothes – clothes that make me feel like me!
We head downstairs to the ‘cafe’ for dinner and a sing-a-long night. As we begin to sing songs – some about Oasis and others about Jesus I begin to feel my spirits rise. We have been given maracas to shake. Martin is sitting next to me attempting to sing as much as his energy levels allow. The last few songs we song were old songs we sang in church when I was a little girl. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus’. I remember singing this when I was about 7, when my favourite thing to do was sing songs about Jesus! I feel touched that these are the songs we are singing tonight. God is taking me back and showing me the child-like faith I had. It is the same faith that I need to have tonight. Life has thrown burdens on my back over the past 28 years but that doesn’t mean I have to carry them on my own!
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