Church this morning. It was good. An old friend was preaching and preached on the imminent return of Jesus. Never before have I longed for God to come and take us home as much as I do now!!!
When my dad died Martin felt very prompted to read a book called "A world without cancer". Over the past 2.5 years he has read and re-read this book, which talks about conventional medicines vs natural resources, as a form of prevention and/or cure for cancer. It seems strange now watching him read it - I have seen him read it so many times but now it is like his second bible!! There are things in the book that at this stage still seem scary to me, but on the other hand make sense. Martin told me the other day that he would never have chemo or radiation therapy and I suggested I get used to that! It is has always been a fear to me that anyone in our home would face this road, as I always knew it would be a road that Martin and I would not agree on. At this stage, I have no choice but to support his chosen methods.
With that in mind I jump on the internet after lunch and start searching for a nutritionists or dietitians that specialise in cancer treatments. Diet is going to play a large part in the journey and I am slightly daunted at the thought of having to re-learn my kitchen skills. We do a search on foods to eat and ones to avoid. I think when this is all over I may be half way through a medical degree. I now know what role almost every organ in the body plays and what foods destroy it and what ones help!
I begin to cry (not an unusual occurrence) and apologise to Martin... I feel like he is sick because I have failed to care for him the way I should! I should have given him spinach every night - not chocolate puddings!! It seems every vegetable that I would normally serve is the wrong one.... the yummy desserts we all love are evils that destroy the pancreas! That's it, we are moving to the country planting acres of spinach and broccoli and raising hormone free chickens! My poor children will not know what's hit them. They all love my cooking - but it's definitely not anti-cancer kosher!! I think I need to enrol in a cooking class at Nimbin!
Martin's second bible, A world without cancer, talks about vitamin b17 and its importance in the role of cancer. I believe that it's true and is a definite form of preventative but I worry it isn't enough in the role as a cure! As per the advice of the book, Martin has been eating apricot kernels (inside the seed of an apricot there is an almond like kernel) for the past 2 years. Obviously apricots aren't in season all year round, so he bought them in bulk and froze them - just like a squirrel with his nuts! I have to admit that it has often stressed me watching him down these very controversial things. Some people gasp when you tell them because of their high poison content, and others have read the same reports as Martin and agree with him. I am still nervous about it at this stage - I am not sure yet that we aren't in the place we are because of the kernels.... or perhaps we are only just getting to this place because the kernels have been keeping things at bay?! All I know is... if Martin felt prompted to read it (and he has said this for the past 2 years prior to all of these events) then I need to trust that it was a God's way of preparing us for the path. So I buy apricots - LOTS of apricots and walk away when I see the nut cracker come out!!
We had a healing line tonight at church. Both Martin and I went down the front... Martin for the obvious reason, and me for my frailing nervous system! I sobbed like a baby as Martin was being prayed for. Only a handful of people in church know what is potentially happening to him, but with him being prayed for and me sobbing, I guess people are going to begin to wonder. Still I can't hold back my tears - I am desperate for God's hand to touch him!!
I go to bed wondering where we should buy our little farm.... how long does an apricot tree take to grow??
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