Have you ever had a really big fight with someone and it takes you ages to emotionally recover? That's how I feel today - like I have been emotionally emptied.
Martin had to go to work early this morning, which was a shame as we were child-free and I cannot remember the last time we slept in on a Saturday morning. Oh well, can't complain, we have a busy day ahead of us!!
I head out to pick up the kids from their sleep over party. They are all very happy, but I think their eyeballs are sitting somewhere on the floor! Sophie and William got about 3 hours sleep!! I know they will be alright today - it's tomorrow that I'm worried about when they hit the wall!!!
We are doing a Christmas outreach today at Redcliffe so Martin is organising all the stuff that we need for that. I think we are both in la-la land... it has been a while since we have done anything like this as well as all the current events of our private world! Still, it is another distraction that is good for us. I have been praying that God will help me not to become completely inward and removed in this time, so distractions are good!
We spend most of the day at Redcliffe setting things up and inviting people out. Once the animal farm was set up, the food done and the movie started, I got a moment to sit and stare into the night sky. I was very aware of our unbelievably small I am in comparison to the world and universe at large. I begin to tell God that I don't think heaven needs my husband yet but that I trust God's goodness and plan. I found myself pondering the many, and I know it's many, people who are in situations like mine or worse than. The lives of those in Africa who not only see friends and family die all the time but can barely keep themselves alive on a daily basis. I feel almost guilty for my struggles. Though they are very real to me, I know there are others that are worse and do not even have the strength that only God can give!
I begin to sing the song of Psalms 23, "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. He makes me lay down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He leads my soul and leads me in the path of righteousness for his name sake. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for thou art with me. His rod and staff they comfort me". I find comfort. Everyone walks through the valley of the shadow of death - it is a path that cannot be avoided by any of us, but how comforting it is to know that there is a promise of comfort. I do not believe my husband is going to die, my faith is refusing to believe it, but I do know we will walk through the valley of the shadow of death and I know that Jesus is with us!
I decided tonight to text a friend, William's school teacher. We have been blessed to build a friendship with him over the past 6 months and particularly in September when we went on a school camp together. He and Martin connected well and I know that Peter has a faith and strong prayer life! I have to appreciate my husband's need for privacy at this time, but I also know we need a prayer blanket over our home! I told Peter that drs thought that Martin might have cancer. It is still such a strange thing to say or write. Peter is shocked, but has promised to pray and offered the help of his family where ever we need it!
We head home after a huge day. I think my body is beginning to run on fumes only! I am not sleeping very well, do not rest during the day as I fear being too awake at night and my emotions are inside out. We get home from packing up quite late. I think tonight sleep will come easily!
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