Well call me Jekyll and Hyde!! After a ‘strong’ day yesterday, today I am a wreck!! I have not eaten for 3 days and whatever attempt I make goes straight through me. Water is my new companion, and considering how much I am going to the toilet and how many tears I am crying it is just as well!!
We have had a nice day around our new summer house today. It is relaxing, but I am feeling drugged and dazed. It is hard to give all I would normally give to my family.
I stocked up on food today.... my shopping list is different at the moment. The normal treats have made their way off the list and have been replaced with copious amounts of fruit, nuts and bottled water!! I did buy a selection of danishes for breakfast which all enjoyed – except for me and my food intolerant body! As a holiday treat for the kids I made hot dogs for lunch, unfortunately Martin felt the need to have one or two as well!
Martin and I had a nice talk this afternoon. Words that I have had bottled up inside me, too afraid to share, found their way out. I know we haven’t had the best of times lately, I know I have dug my heels in on issues that now seem insignificant, but most of all I hope I have the opportunity to make things right!!
We got ready to head out with some friends to the Lord Mayors Christmas Carols in the city. Going into public busy places with my young children is never something I find overly relaxing, but tonight was torture! Unfortunate really because Christmas carols are one of my favourite things and we were with a lovely family!! After 3 hours of waiting and saving our piece of grass, and with over 15,000 people crammed in around us the show is almost ready to start! Our kind hearted friend decided to buy some food for all of us – and brought Martin and I a dagwood dog (Pluto pup) thing. My heart leapt to my throat – after Martin shovelling a hot dog into his poor body the thought of having to watch him eat deep fried fat on a stick was too much for me!! I tried to convince him to give it to someone else to eat, but no. My nerves are fried. My mind running wild. With each carol sung I find myself looking into the overcast dark sky wondering and asking myself if this would be the last time we sang these songs together or would all of the doctor’s concerns be for nothing? I find the combination of my unfestive thoughts and the overwhelming feeling of being trapped in a sea of people too much. Or perhaps it was the rain that kept threatening and trying to stay covered underneath the blanket. No wait, it was likely to have been aggrivated by Benjamin banging his head on my knee over and over again chanting "I'm soooo bored". Trying very hard to not have a major panic attack I am glad when we head for home, and saddened that I didn’t soak in and enjoy the magic of Christmas with my husband laying next to me on the grass... under the stars. Well fortunately my mind was distracted from its inner thoughts and was able to focus on the intense pain my body felt as it carried Miss Charlotte as a dead sleeping wait for 1km and then waiting in a line a mile alone waiting for a ferry! The highlight of the night? Upon arriving at our car Benjamin looked at me and said "mummy, promise me we will NEVER do that again!"
I am looking forward to church tomorrow and being refreshed!!
We have had a nice day around our new summer house today. It is relaxing, but I am feeling drugged and dazed. It is hard to give all I would normally give to my family.
I stocked up on food today.... my shopping list is different at the moment. The normal treats have made their way off the list and have been replaced with copious amounts of fruit, nuts and bottled water!! I did buy a selection of danishes for breakfast which all enjoyed – except for me and my food intolerant body! As a holiday treat for the kids I made hot dogs for lunch, unfortunately Martin felt the need to have one or two as well!
Martin and I had a nice talk this afternoon. Words that I have had bottled up inside me, too afraid to share, found their way out. I know we haven’t had the best of times lately, I know I have dug my heels in on issues that now seem insignificant, but most of all I hope I have the opportunity to make things right!!
We got ready to head out with some friends to the Lord Mayors Christmas Carols in the city. Going into public busy places with my young children is never something I find overly relaxing, but tonight was torture! Unfortunate really because Christmas carols are one of my favourite things and we were with a lovely family!! After 3 hours of waiting and saving our piece of grass, and with over 15,000 people crammed in around us the show is almost ready to start! Our kind hearted friend decided to buy some food for all of us – and brought Martin and I a dagwood dog (Pluto pup) thing. My heart leapt to my throat – after Martin shovelling a hot dog into his poor body the thought of having to watch him eat deep fried fat on a stick was too much for me!! I tried to convince him to give it to someone else to eat, but no. My nerves are fried. My mind running wild. With each carol sung I find myself looking into the overcast dark sky wondering and asking myself if this would be the last time we sang these songs together or would all of the doctor’s concerns be for nothing? I find the combination of my unfestive thoughts and the overwhelming feeling of being trapped in a sea of people too much. Or perhaps it was the rain that kept threatening and trying to stay covered underneath the blanket. No wait, it was likely to have been aggrivated by Benjamin banging his head on my knee over and over again chanting "I'm soooo bored". Trying very hard to not have a major panic attack I am glad when we head for home, and saddened that I didn’t soak in and enjoy the magic of Christmas with my husband laying next to me on the grass... under the stars. Well fortunately my mind was distracted from its inner thoughts and was able to focus on the intense pain my body felt as it carried Miss Charlotte as a dead sleeping wait for 1km and then waiting in a line a mile alone waiting for a ferry! The highlight of the night? Upon arriving at our car Benjamin looked at me and said "mummy, promise me we will NEVER do that again!"
I am looking forward to church tomorrow and being refreshed!!
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