Mar 10, 2010

An Oasis in a desert

Sunday 7 March

Not the best night last night! I am not sure if it is due to jet lag, current health circumstance or both, but it was a bad night nonetheless! Martin was up a lot – unable to sleep. The morning rolled in and the day of expectation has arrived. Why then do my legs feel like led weights and why do I want to put the covers back over my head and pretend that the day doesn’t exist? I’m not sure if it is because I am tired or anxious!

It was decided last night that our lovely friends did not feel comfortable about putting us on the Greyhound bus which we booked while we were still in Brisbane. I am leaning on my knowledge of Greyhound experiences within Australia. Apparently it’s not quite the same here! The bus depot is one street away from Skid Row (the home for the homeless) We needed to be there an hour before the bus and fear was mounting that the word on the street would be that there were bottles of morphine to be had at the Greyhound bus depot! I am personally relieved to be having the company and security for an extra couple of hours. There is something very overwhelming about getting on a bus and venturing into an unknown. There is something even more overwhelming about getting on a bus, venturing into the unknown and having no idea whether the contact on the other end is legitimate or not! I have this horrible feeling that we are going to arrive at San Diego and wait for ‘someone’ to pick us up and that ‘someone’ to never come! So I am glad for the continued safety of our friends!

The drive down was like the one the day before – concrete and cars! The further out of LA we get the prettier the scenery becomes. The hills are beautiful. I know that people love California for the beaches but for me it is the close proximity of beach and mountain! It is a shame that you only get to glimpse either in between gaps in the freeways! I have to admit that I have no bearings and because all the roads look the same I would not have the faintest idea if we are coming or going!

We arrive at San Diego! I do not know whether to laugh or cry at the thoughts going through my head. What if we have come all this way and it’s a scam.... what if no one picks us up.... what if we get held at the Mexican border....

I suppress my ridiculous imagination and put it down to too many books or intense movies. I think my enjoyment of movies is being killed. I have often found myself wondering why I used to get such an emotional kick out of watching sad romance movies. Why did I use to love movies like ‘A Walk to Remember’, ‘Sweet November’, ‘PS I love you’!? These movies have strangely morphed into my life and now I wonder what possessed me to enjoy watching them and crying profusely!? Now I am feeling the same with the suspense ‘Taken’ style movie. Ok from now on I am sticking to Spongebob Square Pants!

We enjoy some lunch in an all American style restaurant. The soup in a bread bowl was very welcoming as the wind was cold and the soup warmed my blood and calmed my nerves! I phoned and spoke to all of my children. I do miss them so much. I am not sure if it helps or makes it more painful to hear their voices, but for them I know they need the reassurance we are alright. They are happy to hear we are on our way to Mexico! Today I am feeling more homesick than I have ever felt in my life! I want my net of family and friends to be surrounding me! I want my mummy!!

We arrive at the bus station and I quickly realise why our lovely friends were anxious about us catching a bus here! What a scene! It is not like the Terminal Centre at Roma street which has an airport feel about it – this is more like waiting in a massive indoor council bus shelter! We walk in wondering how we will know how our ‘contact’ is. I feel like I am on a drug deal – only I have no secret code or clothing to connect me to my dealer! There is a man at the counter becoming very agitated. It appears he booked and paid for his ticket online and was expecting to get on the next bus to take him to LA. Problem was that Greyhound decided they didn’t care about his pre-purchased ticket and have sold it to someone else!! (If you look up the customer feedback information this apparently happens a lot!) He is being told that he will not be able to get onto a bus now until 8pm – that’s approximately 6 hours of waiting! He is not happy and is bouncing back and forth with his arms flailing at his side! I am glad he wasn’t yelling, but you could tell he was not impressed. Dale reminded me that this is America, and these are the situations that often lead to someone pulling out a gun! Great, now I am on a drug deal with an angry man waiting to pull out a gun! I try and contain my appearance of calmness as I gently laugh off the thought with Dale. It’s time to sit down!! Well that’s when I saw him, or should I say them! Standing there, walking stick in hand, black glasses on and a cap pulled down. He is talking. At first I thought the person standing next to him was his friend, but when I looked up the ‘friend’ was gone and the man was still talking – a lot!! I will call him Legion for he is many! Mmmmm..... he has a slight look of ethnicity about him and he doesn’t seem to be waiting for a bus.... please tell me he is not my contact! Someone else walks through the door with great purpose and rushes out to the door where the buses are arriving. Dale feels a surge of excitement that perhaps this is our guy! She chases after him ‘excuse me, excuse me... are you here to collect someone?’ OK I think in that man’s mind we are probably as potentially crazy our friend Legion. He rushed out as quickly as he rushed in and in his path flew in our next suspect. Dressed in flannels, scratching what is either fleas or itch from drug withdrawals. He is a man with a mission! Flies around the bus station, scratching and looking. Oh God – please tell me he is not looking for us!! Oh Dale please don’t ask this one if he is looking for someone!! He pulls out his phone. Please don’t let my phone ring now!! Well as quick as his itch could allow he was gone again! So we were left with only our friend Legion and all of the friends he was talking to as an obvious suspect!

Like a mirage in a dessert we look to the door and in walks a man, a normal looking man with a warming smile, holding an Oasis Hospital sign! I could almost hear the Mexican music playing in the background and the fog lifting as he walked through it! Forget the word hospital at the end of the sign – this man alone was an Oasis!! We place our bags in his van and enter into the car, saying goodbye to our friends. I have always felt uncomfortable riding in a taxi. My mother has taught me well to not ride with strangers! Yet here I am sitting in a van, with a man who doesn’t speak a lot of English about to cross the border to a hostile country! I begin to have thoughts that perhaps this is a human trafficking scam. That Oasis doesn’t really exist it is just a cover to target wealthier Westerners desperate in their hour of need! They don’t want to treat people for cancer – they want to sell us as slaves or sell our body parts on the black market!

Martin is fidgety so I decide it is best not to share with him the crazed mind that I am forming. So I sit, smiling and acting like I am all together! As we approach the Mexican border you can instantly feel the change. A line of traffic is forming at the checkpoint. We were told that anyone is allowed into Mexico, but here we are being ushered in and out of offices, having our passports sighted, filling out forms about where we are staying, paying money. Yes folks – paying money! They should be paying us to come here!! Finally we get a stamp in our passport. Walking back to the van I see all the military that are stationed at the checkpoint. Dressed in full combat attire, guns in hand – these guys scare the beegeebeezzz out of the innocent – I cannot imagine what it would be like to be trying to commit an illegal act! I am on edge just coming to the country to undertake in a medical practice that is banned in my country!

We have crossed the border – no one has yelled out ‘halt’ and tried to stop us! The change in the quality of living is immediate and it takes me a little by surprise. We might as well have hopped on a plane and flown to somewhere as far removed as America as you can imagine. It is pretty countryside polluted by poverty. I momentarily cannot believe that I am actually here!

We pull into the hospital. It seems safe. I once again suppress the thoughts of being kidnapped as we walk through the heavy security door into the courtyard. There it is – the sign on the door ‘Oasis of Hope’. I feel a great sense of relief and wonderment – the place is real! That is a good first step! We have made it – that is a great second step!! Now for the third step – to see the results of the highly anticipated treatments!

We are shown to our room and it is quite pleasant. The people seem friendly, even if it is just a nod of the head and a smile. For some reason I assumed that whoever worked here would have to speak English but I am mistaken. For now I am happy that I can say Hola! and gracias. It seems to be the main words that are needed to get me through today.

The rest of the day is about settling in. We will not see any doctors, and I tell myself that we are still acting as if we were at home – self help and amusement. Dinner was a strange experience, as we all join in a large dining hall. It is an odd thing to know that everyone who is there is there for the same reason – to battle cancer – whether as a support person or as a patient. It kind of makes for an awkward conversation starter. I don’t think either of us are ready to integrate just yet, Martin is feeling unwell and I am feeling overcome with doubt!

Bed is calling. My magic pill is calling. I do not endorse the use of sedative medication, but I have to say that I do not think I would have survived this whole overseas ordeal thus far without it!

I thought I would feel a sense of peace and calm as I curled up into the bed of the promised haven, but I do not. I am doubting and wondering what tomorrow will bring. Tests are meant to be done and I think I already know the results they will bring and I am trying to prepare my heart and emotions for them! What if the safe haven, the Oasis of Hope, cannot do anything? How will I endue the hopeless flight home?

Thank God I am tired – and my little assistant is working making my eyes heavy

No comments:

Post a Comment