Monday-itis happens even in Mexico!

Monday 15 March

The weekend is over, the pseudo-holiday of the weekend has ended. Wanting to drag it out a little longer we head to breakfast and then go straight out for our morning walk. The weather is perfect at the moment – warm sun, refreshing breeze and crisp blue skies! If you close your eyes you would think you were in the most perfect part of the world. Of course once you open them again you are reminded that you are far from the world of perfection. New people are coming to start their treatments, others are leaving. It is a strange and sad experience!

Let me take a moment to talk about the experience that is walking to the shop! We come out of the hospital and take a left, staying on the same side of the hospital and walking down a footpath – filled with so many potholes that in a Western world it would be a lawsuit waiting to happen! At the end of the street, just before the footpath takes a turn to the left, there is a large drop as a result of a storm water drain. They apparently thought it would be a good spot to put it so they did – regardless of the fact that it is completely aesthetically incorrect! Then there is a whole part of the pathway that is not there – just lots of rocks and bumps! If you have conquered that part of the obstacle course then you are almost there! For me however, the main challenge comes when getting to the other side of the road. I was prepared for the strange experience of driving on the wrong side of the road, what I was not prepared for is the terrifying experience of trying to get to the other side of the road on foot!! I am not sure if I was the only Australia child who was taught the ‘how to cross the road song’... “Look to the left, look to the right, look to the left again. If the road is clear of traffic walk straight across the road – DON’T RUN, walk straight across the road!” I have often wondered why, when standing in Australia, I look left first when cars that are my immediate threat are going to come from my right, but still I am obedient to my childhood conditioning and do as the song tells me to do! Now as I stand on the side of the road, with my senses screaming out in disorientation, I understand that the song must have been written by Americans!! So I stand there, singing the song over in my head, knowing that when I look left I will see a car coming towards me, and still getting confused that it is happening! To make it worse, the road forks further up from the shops, and cars seem to come down the opposite side of the road (the Australian side) which trips me into the natural trained thinking of my brain. Please note that the roads do not have lines on them, I believe they did once but their budget must not equal the Brisbane City Council and their constant need to repair the same piece of road! So I step out on the road, almost with my eyes closed. I am convinced I look like one of those ‘bobble head’ animals – the ones where you push their heads softly and they bop all over the place. Once my bobble head stops and I have placed my foot onto the road, then I become like the clowns at the circus – the ones you put a ball into their mouth... my mouth open, my head turning from side to side. Every time I successfully make it to the other side I am proud that I have managed it yet again! It is the daily adrenalin rush!!

It is almost a little bit depressing that treatments start again today. They are confining – hours of infusions. I am not hooked up to a drip but I am hooked up to the room as Martin hates being ‘trapped’ by the drip and if I leave him for too long he begins to do crazy things – like increasing the rate of infusion or pulling out the line all together! He is a very naughty patient!!!

When he is taken to ‘Ozone Therapy’ I know it is safe to leave him, as this is done with a doctor supervising the procedure. So it is my opportunity for some out down time.

Farrin, the little girl who lost her mother, is happily playing and her father is busily trying to organise everything that has to be done. I decide to go for a walk to the shop and search for some nail polish and hair clips. She had asked me yesterday if I had any nail polish, so today I want to find her some. Oh my – that means crossing the road again!! I can do this. I am becoming a lot stronger in my ability to walk the streets without feeling like someone is going to come up and assault my for my money!

I return with the treasure and sit down with Farrin to paint her nails! She is terribly excited!! It’s not as pink as we were hoping but she seems oblivious to that fact – she is just happy that they are ‘shiny’!! I do a twist braid in her hair and place in her new clips and put some flowers in. She is feeling very happy and enjoys the reflection of the mirrored windows!! We play some games in the garden, treasure hunts and anything else that comes to mind. It is nice to have her here – I think she has become a surrogate child for everyone who has left their children behind!!

Martin is not having a very good day mentally! He talks himself into a pit of depression. It seems everything that comes out of his mouth is negative at the moment. He hates being here... he hates being on the drip... he hates this and he hates that! After a morning of it, I decide that I cannot just be nice and soothing. Instead I offer him a kind word slap!! I remind him that for the past 3 months he has been desperate to get here and now that we are here he is desperate to get home. That although he hates the experience, the experience has been beneficial and he is actually in better condition than he was! I do not normally do this with Martin, I usually get silently frustrated and leave it to him to fight it through... but being in a closely confined jail, oh I mean hospital room, I feel that I have to say something.

A little while after Martin managed to eat an enormous lunch, we go for our afternoon walk to Starbucks. This place is our new best friend!! I often don’t feel like anything, but I order it just for the experience of normalcy. Today it is mocha frappacino time!! As we sit there, Martin has picked up in his spirits. Once he can pull his spirits together his whole countenance changes! He is talking positively, about the future, the confidence in God’s hand working in his situation. The feeling of hope and of double blessing! I am encouraged by the turn around! He has thanked me several times for my talk with him. I am glad that it was received in the right way and I am even more pleased for the change in attitude!!

Tonight there is a ‘share and prayer’ session on. We decided to go, not really knowing what to expect but keen for a evening distraction. Once we sit down I know immediately that Martin will not want to stay. The few people that are there are telling their story, what has brought them to Oasis. I know Martin will not want to talk about it!! He sneaks out quietly and I remain. I do not want to appear rude, plus I find it interesting to listen to the sad paths of others journeys. Unfortunately though it is a very depressing and heavy conversation piece and at the end of it all, despite the prayer time, I am left feeling completely hopeless and overwhelmed!! I wonder really if anything works!!?

In a sense I feel like I am in a form of Alcoholics Anonymous... “Hello my name is Philippa and I’m an alcoholic... this is my story” Instead it goes like this “Hello my name is _____ and I have cancer of the ______ which has metastasised to the ______ and the ______. I have had chemo which didn’t work and now I am here for the 3^rd time and we don’t know yet if it is doing anything. They think I might need more chemo”. It is quite the party conversation!! I almost feel like they should hand out rusty razors for those who feel the need. It would be an Emos heaven being here!!

I do not think I will go to any more ‘share and prayer’. I lay in bed wondering if it did me any benefit!! I am sure the intentions are good!?

Words cannot express enough how much I hang on every word that I receive in the form of an email, facebook comment or comment on my blog! I must re-read them all at least twice – hungry for the connection. I may not reply all the time, but please know you are keeping me alive and in my sane mind!! I am grateful for the web of prayers an friendships that hold us and am grateful for the new friends that are spun into that web!!

Here’s hoping for a night of peaceful sleep!