It is the last day of the year... the last day of the decade. I was having a hard enough time coming to grips with a new year of uncertainty coming in, but when Martin reminded me we are ushering in a whole new decade I became very pensive! On reflecting over the past 10 years I begin to realise how hard and unhappy they have been. Oh sure they have been filled with happiness due to our children, but for us personally, kids aside, they have been hard!!
Doing our research, courtesy of google, on the omentum we have found out that the role the omentum plays in the body is to process the cortizone that is released into your body due to stress. Now remembering that cancer is formed by your body's attempt to repair an area of your body which is damaged it is no surprise that Martin has cancer in his omentum. The past 10 years have been horrendous for him! I have a good cry and ask God to give us another decade together!
We have decided today to take the kids to Seaworld. Neither of us are particularly keen, but after a couple of home days we need to do something for them. Driving down Martin gets another call from the hospital. This is proving too much for me. Palliative Care have sent him 2 letters this week and initially Martin was talking on the phone as if it was them calling again! It turns out it was the hospital - oncology outpatients. They want to see him on Tuesday - results are in! This knocks the little wind I had in my sails and I close my eyes and let the tears softly fall as I pretend to look out the window. I knew it was coming. I knew that next week would bring results. I am not ready for my cocoon to fall away. I am not ready for my bubble to pop!
Seaworld is not as much fun as we usually have. The kids can't seem to agree on rides and William is bitterly disappointed that Martin is unable to go on any with him. He went on one ride with them and the bar pressed too hard on his operation wounds, so it is decided that it's not worth the risk! Charlotte dragged me around for a good part of the day while Martin went with the older children. Not quite the family day we had in mind, but it is sometimes hard to keep the various ages satisfied by the same thing. Eventually we join up together and decide that we will just watch a couple of shows and then head home.
Sara and her troops are heading down for New Years Eve/Day. So as she leaves Toowoomba we leave the Gold Coast. There is a fun night on at church tonight but we are unsure about whether to go or not. The kids are very keen, Martin and I still want to remain in hiding a little longer! We decide to have dinner at home with Sara and John and then head out to church at around 9pm. We figure the kids will be happy to see the Red Faces performances and we will be happy to be there while it is dark!
We are home by 11pm, with 1 more hour to go Sara, Hannah and Sophie head into the city to try and catch the fireworks. I get a little teary as Sara asked me if I want to come. I do not want to be away from Martin as we usher in the new year - it is filled with so much unknown I want to make sure we start it together! The little ones are asleep and it is only Martin, William and I awake. I want Martin to come and take me in his arms and tell me that the year will be great. Take me outside and dance with me in the moonlight and make the start of the year a memory that will embed into my heart! Instead he has gone back into his man cave, isolated. I have to remember that he too is having his inner processing battles. William and I huddle in my bedroom counting in the new year together. I feel sad that the year has started already with disappointments, but I am reminded looking into William's face that the future is still full of hope, love and endless possibilities!!
Happy new year - may we all love and appreciate those around us, may our year be filled with miracles and God's goodness!
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