Well it’s the first day of the summer school holidays. A day we have all been looking forward to!! Unfortunately, this morning I didn’t have the expected spring of excitement about it all!! I think I am still somewhat dazed by the previous day/nights events. Plus I am wondering what the day is going to bring – will Martin be in hospital by the end of the day or will it be tomorrow? Today is also the last day before my mummy, aka my local run to and hide under her skirt, and my younger brother, sister and father leave for a 5 week stint in Europe. Not coping with it all already – and it’s only 8am!!
Martin, thank God, is actually home from work today and tomorrow. I am glad that he is going to be around – it’s comforting, except for the sound of his phone ringing... something about that sends a shiver down my spine!!
Fortunately, I have work to do. A publication is due on Tuesday and I have a few days to get it done and try and get my mind around it all. It’s a good distraction!! Martin takes the kids out to give me some time to become absorbed in work. His motives were pure, but sadly my ability was lacking!! I was doing alright until the doctor called! Blast!!!! He wanted to know if we had heard anything from the hospital.... how Martin was processing the information from the cat scan etc. etc. Ok, I shouldn’t have done it, but I did – I asked him questions! It was either him or google and I guess google can be a little open ended at times! “Should I be worried” was the first question – “Absolutely!” was the answer! Ok – the shaking of the legs started around this point but I keep pressing on. In summary, alone in my house that day, I am told by a doctor who has cared for my kids and their snotty noses for the past 7 years that the medical world is treating Martin as an urgent high risk cancer possibility. There is a good chance that they may not be able to remove any or all of the mass due to where it is located.
My world is spinning. I cannot stand up. I am shaking like a leaf. I phone my skirt (my mummy) and tell her what I have just been told. She is trying to cheer me up with her words of comfort and faith. Prayer with my pastor’s wife has made the tears flow and I manage to have a good cry – crawl to the shower and curl up on the bottom and sob and pray and sob and pray. I do not care at this point that we are on water restrictions – hello my sanity is on restrictions at the moment and if water is keeping me sane then I will empty the dam if needed!!
I go back to my computer and try blindly to move some images and text around. Who am I kidding I have not got one bit of creative juice left in me! Knowing Martin wont be home for a couple more hours and knowing I shouldn’t be left to my own thought processes my little sister comes to pick me up and take me back to mum’s house. Oh the comfort of her bed!!
We have a nice evening, all of us together, having a pre-christmas pizza dinner together. The last supper before the family departs. The day is over, the hospital didn’t call, the goodbyes are said and I am exhausted.
It has not been an easy day today but I’m hopeful for a better one tomorrow!
Martin, thank God, is actually home from work today and tomorrow. I am glad that he is going to be around – it’s comforting, except for the sound of his phone ringing... something about that sends a shiver down my spine!!
Fortunately, I have work to do. A publication is due on Tuesday and I have a few days to get it done and try and get my mind around it all. It’s a good distraction!! Martin takes the kids out to give me some time to become absorbed in work. His motives were pure, but sadly my ability was lacking!! I was doing alright until the doctor called! Blast!!!! He wanted to know if we had heard anything from the hospital.... how Martin was processing the information from the cat scan etc. etc. Ok, I shouldn’t have done it, but I did – I asked him questions! It was either him or google and I guess google can be a little open ended at times! “Should I be worried” was the first question – “Absolutely!” was the answer! Ok – the shaking of the legs started around this point but I keep pressing on. In summary, alone in my house that day, I am told by a doctor who has cared for my kids and their snotty noses for the past 7 years that the medical world is treating Martin as an urgent high risk cancer possibility. There is a good chance that they may not be able to remove any or all of the mass due to where it is located.
My world is spinning. I cannot stand up. I am shaking like a leaf. I phone my skirt (my mummy) and tell her what I have just been told. She is trying to cheer me up with her words of comfort and faith. Prayer with my pastor’s wife has made the tears flow and I manage to have a good cry – crawl to the shower and curl up on the bottom and sob and pray and sob and pray. I do not care at this point that we are on water restrictions – hello my sanity is on restrictions at the moment and if water is keeping me sane then I will empty the dam if needed!!
I go back to my computer and try blindly to move some images and text around. Who am I kidding I have not got one bit of creative juice left in me! Knowing Martin wont be home for a couple more hours and knowing I shouldn’t be left to my own thought processes my little sister comes to pick me up and take me back to mum’s house. Oh the comfort of her bed!!
We have a nice evening, all of us together, having a pre-christmas pizza dinner together. The last supper before the family departs. The day is over, the hospital didn’t call, the goodbyes are said and I am exhausted.
It has not been an easy day today but I’m hopeful for a better one tomorrow!
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